For Ani ...
Caught your set last night. Seems that you are constantly pushing the boundaries above and beyond what we know and expect, with the guitar and the voice and tha Voice and the hum (inside furious peace, restrained).
The walls of that great Arlington Theatre were shaking with the pound of your crescendo, with the threat of your voice, and with the Boom of a Herculean Guitar. How does one guitar fill up a room like that?? Crushing melodies, escaping inside the thud of a guitar vamp and vomp, mysterious in its own story.
The music was regal, I was moved, and I KNOW that I wasn't the only one ...
Ani, will you run for President?? Please!
I saw you walking down tha hall at the hotel, in your camo outfit. I knew you were off and running. I saw the cold stare of god upon you in the fog o' morn, and the stern expression in your step. You are going to Iraq.
Each person makes their own way.
No slick speeches today from me, me man ... I think we can all agree that we wanna see you come home, tha sooner the better. And don't fucking die, because that will really piss me off. Yeah, just come home alive, ok? Is it right, is it wrong, is it, IS IT?? We're the comeback kids, remember! You've got a good heart, and a fine mind. You are smart and true. Use it out there.
This means, my brother in the struggle, that I encourage you to be the guy out there with wits. Be tha guy who says to the other fellas, "Do the right thing." Yeah. Be valiant. Be the "alternative" to madness out there. So you're going, you're going ... You are about Shakespeare and Hemingway. Use whatchya see out there to right YOUR book. Be tough, be wise, be genius in disguise. (Hey, that's good.) Let's keep talking and exploring the human condition.
You know how I feel about it. No time for the soapbox. You're going. Keep your mind and body fit, your ass squeaky clean. Be the good American. Be parapatetic, move 'n' groove, baby ... like that night we discussed all this, when I was singing in the bar. We all perform in different ways. I know you believe in goodness in mankind and true freedom and all that nice other stuff.
We support you. We are proud of you. See you when you get back, Jack.
The three of us ... he, me, and she ...
We're in tha bar, see, he goes off and takes a wee piss. She leans over the table, sayin', "You're so cute!" And plants a kiss on me! Smmoooch!
Yummy. Eat your heart out, Ahhhnold. Heh.
So he comes back from the can, and I figure fair's fair, so I kissed him! Heh. She thought that was hot.
I talked to Uncle Leonard last night ...
Yeah, he said you guys are fab, he really likes you ... in fact, you're the most funnest guests he's had in many moons. But he says to stop drinking his milk.
That's basically his main concern ...
Yeah, there we were ... Tony and me. And he was kinda hung-over, two bad, and asked me if we could go to a greasy-good burger joint and I said wellofcoursememanwecan ... FATBURGER!
"Only in America!" he said with a wry smile.
But it is a tasty (albeit fat) treat on a Tuesday, after a night of imbibing. And it was the best burger of the moment. And then Tony got on a plane back to the UK. And I will miss him ... I reserve the right to be melancholy. He left me with a sense of meeting once again in some outrageous corner of the world, and a slight hint of indigestion. (Scenes from the Fatburger.) And I just wish that everyone on this planet had enough to eat tonight ...
Yes, I've gotten tha messages ... Yes, I've been trying to answer you all ... Yes, I know that you all wanna know MORE about Tony. I just say, "Two bad!" Yeah, two bad! Heh. The fever is spreading, growing like a chain-link fence to keep out tha bad guys ... You juss gotta meet him, if you can catch him.
He's too, TWO bad!
Recent Tony Two-Chains quote:
(Someone was pissing him off, so he goes ...) "Hey, see this fist? It's like an atom bomb. And see THIS one? It's pure hydrogen!" (Needless to say, the guy backed off.)
Tony's like a freedom fighter, a cult figure / super-hero, a mean one with a heart of gold. I love him. Tonight we're gonna try to score some birds, play some jolly-ball pool, save a few damsels in distress, fancy a beer or two, interrrrupt any domestic disputes, and discuss what it takes to save the world. Wish us luck ...
Hanging out with Tony is so much fun. I mean, he's from Jersey (?) and he knows where to go and what to say and how to do it and where to do it, and ... Well, you get the pic. If Tony was Governor of California, all our probnlems would be solved instantaneously, and it would go something like this:
- TWO day work week!
- TWO cars for every person!
- TWO hearts beat as one!
- TWO bedroom house for every family!
- TWO socks on every foot!
- TWO meals a day for every human being!
- TWO dogs and a ferret (?) for everyone!
- TWO California drivers licenses for every illegal immigrant!
- TWO be or not two be!
- TWO -fers every day on KROQ!
- TWO ways to ditch on your taxes!
- TWO hard to handle!
- TWO shoes on every balanced human!
- TWO kinds of dressing on every salad!
- TWO way mirrors in every club restroom!
- TWO outs to every inning ...
And so on. Vote for Tony!
-Todd ("T-TWO-C" Campaign Mgr.)